Firstly the solution to the St Pythag’s April Crossword can be found here, if anyone tried it.

Sitting near some young people on a train on the Avocet Line the other day, I was able aurally to observe and study the dialect spoken by some of Today’s Youth. St Pythag’s Liturgical Innovation Forum Joint Working Group therefore recommends modernising the text of the Plainsong Propers to make them like more accessible to Young People.

Thus for Easter III today we will experiment with using:-

Introit: O BE joyful in God, all ye lands, alleluia: it’s like so amazing to sing praises unto the honour of his Name, alleluia: to like just make his praise to be so glorious, alleluia, amazing, alleluia. Say unto God, O how wonderful art thou in thy works, O Lord: it’s I mean like through the greatness of thy power shall thine effin’ enemies be so found liars unto thee. V. Glory be.

Offertory: Praise the Lord, O my soul: while I live will I praise the Lord: yea, like as long as I just have any being, I will I mean so like sing praises unto my God, alleluia.

Communion: A little while, and ye shall not see me, alleluia: and like again a little while, and you so shall just see me, it’s like I mean because I go to the Father, alleluia, amazeluia.

Just joking, but shows why the words we say, sing & pray together benefit from rhythm, cadence and slightly more formality than the everyday.

In an 8 hour Great British Rail Journey that would turn Michael Portillo’s jacket green with envy, we recently took what I like to call the Cathedrals Express Cross-Country service from Exeter to Edinburgh; one can count, I think, 10 Anglican cathedral cities and 14 dioceses on the journey, and the following commentary was the result. It would be nice sometime to do the corresponding Cathedrals Crawl, stopping and visiting those en route.

The family Pythag also enjoyed the wide-ranging Celts Exhibition currently at the Museum of Scotland in Edinburgh, including a lovely reconstruction of a Celtic chariot. How well did a Celtic chariot accelerate? It depended on the amount of torcs.

The next Pychester Short Story might start something like this:-

St Pythag’s School performance of “Lazytown – The Musical” had been excellent and surprisingly topical. In Lazytown, Sportacus decided everyone would be much healthier if they had 24/7 Sports Candy (fruit) and made the fruit growers work longer for less to provide it. Robbie Rotten’s latest austerity scheme was to squeeze the Pips of those lazy disabled kids, but he relented when Pixel arranged a social media campaign and Stingy resigned. Mayor Meanswell thought everyone would be happier if he ruled the world, especially if Lazytown were on its own planet, but forgot that Bessie Busybody really pulled the strings. Meanwhile Stephanie sang, danced & turned cartwheels, tried to hold the whole show together, and said her pink dress came from a Fairtrade offshore outlet.

Coming to his senses, Peregrine Pythag gazed through the open curtains and oblong window of the bedroom at the circles within circles of St Pythag’s Rose window, lovely even from without as the morning sun warmed the honey stone of the south aisle and transept, but at its sensuous colourful best for the Joy of Evensong on warm Summer nights.

Oh, the complexities of the Church of St Pythagoras & All Angles. The multifaceted jewel comprising congregation, choir, servers and clergy had held together during the Interregnum, welcoming a variety of well-chosen locum priests. But soon would come the Installation of their new Priest-in-Charge. For, back in mid-February, Bishop Rick and Archdeacon Idris had made an offer down at the carelessly named Blue Anchor Inn that the Churchwardens couldn’t refuse.

“What’s your website say? Traditional Church for Today – time to show it, chaps. We’ve got a lovely clergy couple looking to relocate out of London with their children. As you will have noticed, Bishop Rick has been building one of his 50 Sheds of Pray down by the River Pyke, between the Allotments and that new housing estate, Jurassic Park, where the diggersaurs tore up the grass and trees and deposited nicely spaced 4-bed homes. And now it’s fini-shed.”

“Just so, Idris. Of course, St Simon Says wanted to do the Church Plant, but it’s in your Parish; your big chance to man up for the Gospel and diversity. Don’t panic! Fr Helen knows the score; she’ll do Earthy Churchy in the Shed down by the riverside; got a smile to flutter a thousand sails; you will support her, I’m sure. And Fr Basil will look after all the priestly stuff up at St Pythag’s… unless you want… No, okay. Well, Thomas doubted at first, but he got over it, experience – touch and go, I always say – in a positive, safeguarded sort of way. Wonderful!”

“So, Fulge, Jesu fulge, as we say. The Archdeacon will effect the paperwork. See you for the Installations. I’ll expect an “Ecce sacerdos magnus” from your choir, always enjoy your bunfights. Must dash, train to London, General Synod, don’t you know. Ciao!”

Words for the Oxford Movement English Dictionary.
Cassock – elderly garment with missing buttons thrown on before the service to make you unattractive to the opposite sex. (Thanks to @theladyorganist)
Ineffably – without swearing.
Panna Cotta – Favourite dessert of Servers.
Reform & Renewal – last year’s campaign of the CofE to make it more fit for purpose.
Renewal & Reform – the current campaign of the CofE to make it more fit for purpose.
ReNewAll – the Spring slogan of Blessed John Lewis.
Spice – the variety of life.

And finally, 17th April be the day 23 years ago when Mrs Pythag and I plighted our troth either to other in the historic Church of St Edward, King & Martyr, in Cambridge, a church recently glimpsed in a couple of episodes of Grantchester.

Richard Barnes – with personal views from St Pythag’s fresh espresso of church < ;-)>>